The way your family responds to your emotional needs causes you to change the way you deal with your emotions. There are only two ways you can do this – turn your emotions down (avoidance) or turn your emotions up (preoccupation).

If you’re rejected by your parents when you have emotions like sadness (e.g “suck it up”), you learn to suppress those feelings in order to be accepted. Turning feelings down like this is called “avoidant attachment” because avoiding your feelings helps you attach to your parents.

Sometimes turning your feelings down isn’t enough to have a smooth relationship with your parents. If you grew up with neglect and/or abuse, you might be guarded, withdrawn, self-sufficient, and anxious around people in addition to turning your feelings down.

We don’t view Avoidant Personality Disorder as “something wrong”. We view AVPD as a specific collection of changes a person made to adapt to their environment. This set of changes leads to the symptoms of AVPD.

In your original family environment, maybe those changes made sense and were helpful.  That’s a good thing! It means you’re resilient and adaptable.

In a new environment, around new people who may not behave in the same way, those changes might not be helpful anymore. Even within your existing family, you may recognize some downsides to the way you cope that you’d like to change.

Luckily, humans don’t ever stop being adaptable. If you’re ready for change, check out our team in the section below and find the right therapist for you.