Couples Communication

A corner stone to all relationships is healthy communication. For some, communication comes naturally and for others, this can be challenging.

Communication involves our attention to both what is being said (content and word choice) and how it is being said (tone, facial expressions, body language, etc.). 

From time to time, we all miscommunicate and this can lead to conflict. When this occurs, the emotional bonds between partners can start to disconnect and this can lead to other relationship difficulties (including less physical connection and intimacy). Partners may feel unappreciated, resentful, disrespected, dissatisfied and hurt. By seizing the opportunity to work through the conflict and repair the relationship, this can often lead to a stronger understanding and connection for the couple. 

Signs of Couples Communication Issues

Please keep in mind that the symptoms are viewed as one part of a broad picture involving many factors - the presence or absence of the listed symptom does not mean tha tyou do or do not have communication issues.

Emotional Symptoms

Feeling alone or unsupported
Hopeless
Frustration
Dismissed or minimized
Shamed
Defensiveness / Anger

Behavioural Symptoms

Spending less time together
Arguments escalate quicker
'Walking on eggshells'
Partner becomes more and more withdrawn
Partner becomes defensive or angry

A Simple Explanation of Couples Communication Issues

“Unhealthy relationships are most commonly lacking in the most essential ingredient: healthy communication” (Author – Asa Don Brown)

Healthy communication requires paying attention to what and how we communicate. An equally important part of communication is to be able to listen well. There is an art to listening and it requires us to be open and vulnerable with our partner. When done well, it deepens our understanding of our partner and strengthens our relationship.

We all know that relationships are not easy and take effort to maintain.  If you are struggling with communication within your relationship, you might find yourself arguing more, hesitating to share your thoughts or feelings, “walking on egg shells” or “shutting down”. There can be many practical problems that can show up in relationships, such as parenting, finances, differences of culture/religion, values, and sharing of chores, etc. When conflicts arise, it’s usually about how couples disagree rather than what they disagree with. Overtime, couples can develop an ineffective pattern of communication which can lead to them feeling stuck or in a grid lock, and they are unable to talk or resolve issues.

When we improve our communication, we will be able to work through the conflict,  repair the relationship, and build a stronger connection with our partner.

Even with couples who consider their relationship to be “good”, they can benefit from additional tools to help strengthen their understanding of one another’s emotional experience and needs.

Treatment for Couples Communication Issues

Attachment Based Therapy

Attachment Based Therapy (ABT) will help you understand the changes in the way you think and feel as a result of your family relationships. 

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Emotionally Focused Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) will help you identify and resolve your underlying emotional patterns fueling your communication issues. 

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Acceptance Commitment Therapy

Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) will help you and your partner become more grounded in what is important to you, and achieve a clearer sense of direction for your life together.

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