It’s super common to wonder how to get the most out of couples counselling. Especially if you’ve never tried couples counselling before, it can be a bit overwhelming trying to figure out what type of therapy is best for you and who you should trust to help you.
Here are the top tips from our clinic, featuring insights from 7 of our expert couples therapists, starting with the first steps in the process of finding a therapist and moving on to getting the most out of couples therapy:
1. Find a Therapist Certified in Couples Work
Unlike other medical professions where there are generalists and specialists, a licensed therapist can take on any type of client. This means a well meaning therapist with no training in couples work – which is very different from individual therapy – can accept couples into their practice.
Make sure whoever you see has formal training (not a book or online course) in a reputable type of couples therapy. We recommend Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples as it is proven to deliver the best results, followed by Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
Each therapist who joins our team travels throughout North America to train with Emotionally Focused Therapy master trainers in programs lasting many months.
2. Find a Therapist in a Couples Focused Clinic
Couples counselling is known in our industry as the most challenging type of therapy to perform. Therapists practicing alongside other couples counsellors have the advantage of learning from one another, helping each other with difficult cases, sharing resources, and taking part in advanced training.
Our team features 7 full time couples therapists, all with training in either Emotionally Focused Therapy or Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
3. Find a Therapist Who Feels Right
Research shows that the biggest factor in successful therapy is the connection with your therapist.
If it’s your first time looking for a couples therapist, you may not really know what’s right for you, but you can draw from what works in your personal life to help you out.
For example, you might feel more comfortable with someone younger or older. You might connect more with a particular gender. You may want someone who is calm, quiet, and lets you vent. Or, you may want someone who is high energy, reflects and challenges you often, and brings humour into the work.
The best way to determine who feels right is to research them, get the vibe of their profile and approach, and if the clinic offers it (we do!), talk to the clinic administrators who can help you find the therapist likely to be a great fit for you.
PS – We offer a fit guarantee. After your first session, if you don’t feel like your therapist is the right couples therapist for you, no problem! Let us know (we don’t take it personally!) and we will be happy to offer you a credit for the full amount of your session so you can try someone else at no charge.
4. Tell Your Therapist What You Want
If you aren’t happy with your progress in therapy, you likely want a change from your therapist but feel uncomfortable asking for it.
It’s normal to feel apprehensive asking for what you want – for many people, giving others feedback is uncomfortable.
Rest assured that we don’t take feedback personally, and our feelings won’t be hurt. It’s actually the opposite! Your feedback is super helpful, and we’re happy to adjust so you get what you want from us.
If you want to focus on a certain topic, let your couples therapist know!
If you want homework and activities to do with your partner and your couples therapist hasn’t offered you this, ask them!
Remember – you’ve hired us to help you, and we’re very dedicated to doing that. The more you tell us about what you want, what you like or didn’t like during your session, the more we can help you.
5. Be Prepared to Change
If you want things to change, you have to change something.
This can mean compromising with your partner, being open to seeing their perspective in a way you haven’t before, trying a new approach to communicating, or a variety of other things.
The bottom line is if you begin therapy feeling certain that you’re right, your partner is wrong, and you don’t want to hear anything different, it’s going to be difficult for you to achieve your goals in couples therapy.
6. Attend Couples Therapy Consistently
Couples therapy is like going to the gym – one or two sessions is unlikely to change much, but consistent work can create incredible transformation.
There are some situations that only call for a few therapy sessions to address, but for the most part you can expect somewhere between 8-20 couples therapy sessions to achieve deep, long lasting change.
Couples Counselling Hamilton, Ontario
Keep in mind that these are rough guidelines. At our clinic, we don’t have a one size fits all approach. We tailor our approach to suit your needs, and will be transparent with you about how many sessions we think it may take based on your goals and where you’re at.
The most important thing to do is communicate with your therapist about where you’re at and what you need from them. As always, if you are ever curious about your therapist’s plan for you, ask them! We are happy to share our thoughts and make sure what we’re doing is in line with what you want.
Located in Hamilton, Ontario, our therapists are skilled and knowledgeable in a wide range of counselling methods. Give us a call at (905) 962-2220 or contact us to book your appointment.
