Becoming a Parent or the Addition of Children

Becoming a parent can be both scary and exciting. You may worry about the things that can go wrong with your baby. You may doubt if you are competent enough to take care of them. Becoming a parent is a massive identity shift that can bring lots of mixed emotions besides excitement. It’s natural for parents to feel scared, not ready. Some fathers feel jealous that the baby is taking all the partner’s attention. When a baby screams and cries frequently, parents can feel defeated, helpless, even irritated and annoyed at the baby. Parents can also feel guilty for having negative feelings about their newborn, but all these feelings are valid and normal. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings so you can process and express them in a healthy way.

One crucial task of parents is to help babies to form a secure attachment. Parents need to emotionally attune to babies and respond well to their cry for needs and comfort. It’s a myth that parents should leave the baby alone, so they learn to soothe themselves – this actually produces avoidantly attached babies that feel the world is not reliable and keep needs and desires to themselves.

Sleep deprivation can quickly build up fatigue and irritation after a few restless nights of crying spells. Couples need to collaborate and look out for each other’s emotional well-being during this time. Each parent should have some alone time each day without the baby to destress completely. Each week, it’s recommended that couples can have 2 hours of alone time with each other without the interruption of the baby. Gather help from your family and the community to make sure these breaks can happen. You may also need to adjust your workload to have more time at home so that your partner feels supported and cared for. Always prioritize the relationship between the parents over the baby because that’s the foundation for your baby’s health.

Also, watch for signs of postpartum depression in both the mother and the father. If you notice you are crying more or you have a depressed mood, mood swings, intense irritability, feelings of worthlessness, it’s important to see a mental health professional.

It’s important not to put too much expectation on yourself to be this “perfect parent.” Instead, strive to be a “good enough” parent. Being a parent is both challenging and exciting. Congratulations and all the best for being a parent!